In a deep sleep I hear a whisper in the distance, like an echo in a canyon. I try to comprehend and focus on it but I’m not quite sure what it is. Then I hear it again. It’s my name, someone is calling my name and it’s soft and low. I’m dreaming; I know I’m dreaming and I feel safe in the sleep that surrounds me as I push deeper into the pile of warm blankets on my bed. 

I’m not in bed in my dream, I’m walking in the familiar night woods. The northern Michigan woods I wandered for so much of my youth.  I hear the waves crash on the shore in the distance. I know the familiar sound of the straits of Mackinaw on the Great Lakes. The water and the woods comfort me with memories of happy days.   I can feel the fall twigs crunching under my feet. I can hear the rustling leaves as the movement in the forest gently stirs them. I noticed the intermittent light flickering through the trees from the glow of the moon. I can smell the damp earth and bark. It’s cool but I am not cold and I have the sensation of being alive, of being part of the earth, a place I belong. A place I love.

As I walk I see a light up ahead in the clearing. As I enter the clearing I see a circle on the on the ground, a large glowing circle, perfectly formed and shining silver, lit up without lights and without fire. I wonder how it is glowing.

As I am wondering how this is possible I notice a man standing just inside the circle. He is a middle-aged man, younger than I am now, with dark hair and dark eyes and a welcoming friendly face. He startles me for a moment, but I ask him who he is? And what is the circle in the woods? He replies, “This is your circle, and I am here because of you”.

I realize that I recognize this man. I’ve dreamt of him before. The dreams of him come back to me like a flood, and I realize I’ve dreamt of him from the time I was a young girl. I tell him that I know him, and he states, “Of course you know me, I have been with you all along”. I say “I call you Fred”. He nods in agreement and smiles at me warmly.

I stepped toward him and the circle, and he puts his hand up very gently and shakes his head no.  I ask him what the circle means and can I enter? He tells me that I am not ready to be in my circle yet, but there will be a time when I will be a part of my circle and it will be part of me. And I tell him I want to come into the circle because it’s so beautiful and so bright and the glow from the light feels so warm. He says almost in a whisper “that’s because the light comes from you. It’s the light that shines within you”

He looks at me for a long moment. “Do you have a question to ask me? “ I nod in response. “Ask your question, I will tell you the truth. You have the gift of truth and you will know if what I say is the truth”.  I ask “I’ve been told my whole life that God loves me, that God protects me, but why did God allow someone to hurt me when I was young? Why did God put people in my life that did not protect me?  Why did God let people lie to me and abandon me? I have wondered my whole life, what is my purpose and what is my life all about? What does it all mean, what is it all for? 

He looked at me and smiled. He said, “All those things did happen to you, but amazing things happened to you as well.  You were given pain so that you could know joy, you were given lies you could know the truth, and you were not protected so you could find the inner strength to be who you were meant to be. You shine in the darkness, you are a miracle and your light will guide and heal others. It is your circle, it is what you are. You already know. You’ve always known. It is the reason you are here. 
It’s love.

I woke with tears running down my eyes and my pillow was wet from crying. I thought about what Fred told me and I searched my heart and knew he was right.